Busy, Busy, Busy!

How to begin building meaningful relationships in the rat race.

Do people seem to be looking for an exit-pass during conversations? Has anyone ever interrupted you in the middle of a sentence and said, “wait, you’re getting too deep, I don’t want to think that hard”? Is life too busy for meaningful conversation and intelligent thought?

With all of the technology, beeps, dings, chirps, batteries, calls, texts, updates, messages etc. our lives can become like a constant trip to the mailbox. If there is one thing I love about Sunday it is the lack of mail service. One less stress in life can be a large relief. Underlying issues and unfinished business can really wear on the mind.

What if people started using technology in a more systematic way? Would the quality of relationships in life be impacted in a positive way?

Out of need, I tried to separate my space and time from technology. It has been about a  year. The first thing I did was to take long breaks from my cell phone which can ring fifty times a day or more. I still return calls promptly, however all at one time. Lumping together some of these phone calls/texts/emails etc. has been a big time saver and stress reducer.

Panasonic made a 42″ and it ended up in my house, the warranty expired and three days later the video card expired as well. I dismantled the television, almost bought the parts for repair and it is still gathering dust. It is neatly assembled and complete, broken. Now, I never need to remind the kid to turn the TV off, less stress. Also, people I don’t like in my home are no longer allowed to show their faces in the living room through the programming, less stress.

The only problem with organizing technology and such activities into blocked times is increased efficiency, reduced stress and more time. That is a problem? Yes, upon having more time in a world of electrified busy bodies, one might find themselves at a loss when it comes to finding someone to spend that extra bonus time with.

How to Get Blown off Like a Pro…

 

…….And live to tell about it
Once upon a time, I drove a convertible. It was the kind of car that was cool enough to be noticed, but not cool enough to hold much status. I can’t remember how many times my hat blew off when the convertible top was down. What in the world was I thinking to wear a hat in a convertible, doesn’t that defeat the purpose of dropping the top?

I have no idea where I lost the hat in the above picture. It must have blown off somewhere between the Rocky Mountains and the Santa Cruz Mountains……. hills. Oh well, seven dollars and a trip to TJ Max will not hurt me. But, there is one problem. I have no idea if this style hat is even available for purchase. Are they popular? Is this an antique?

Anyways, back to the subject. How to get blown off. I am an absolute master of it. In fact, being so dull when it comes to perceiving is a real challenge. It’s not just a matter of being dull, it is a matter of catching every sign and reading it wrong.

Once upon a time I was driving around town in a small group of islands in the North. The town was fairly small and a little difficult to navigate at first because of the winding roads, hills and impatient drivers. The street signs looked really nice. While driving in the town center I could not figure out why all of the streets had the same name “Einvegas”, and the other drivers were downright rude sometimes. Yea, so that word I thought was a street name means “One Way” in some old viking jargon. I see it now, the word is almost the same, and it simply took me months to figure out.

Nordic Newsflash: Mr. Clueless American Drives Wrong Way For weeks and lives to tell about it.

Another time, we had a guest staying here from another country. After about a week, the guest asked if it was okay to move the furniture in their bedroom. Of course, it was fine. I did ask about the reason, and was informed. The bed was turned in a way so the foot of the bed was towards the doorway. Apparently, in our visitors country, it is customary to turn the bed this direction after a person dies. I felt so embarrassed.

While traveling in a Spanish country, my language was improving. But, my friend asked me if I wanted to meet her cousin, I didn’t understand and replied ‘no’ instead of ‘que’, she said, okay and walked off. Months later I woke up in the middle of the night sweating, She wanted me to meet her cousin who was standing next to me almost touching my shoulder at the exact moment she asked. How could I have done that, how rude, stupid and insulting. I had no clue, ignorant.

Once, I got an invite to a party. Social gatherings aren’t exactly my milieu, per se. It seemed like the person who invited me was making an advance. Every time we saw each other at the party, we’d chat for a minute and the person hurried off. I was baffled and tried to chat-it-up a couple more times and the same result. Well, it didn’t take more than a few minutes to figure out that this person was a total player. It was fine, I met other people there and made a friend or two.

Getting blown off is really nothing, it is the social blunders and responses that are so terrific. Going the wrong way on the one-way streets of life is no problem at all, unless there is oncoming traffic. My only advice is to drive and walk Left in London and be glad if nobody notices you. After all, it is better to go unnoticed than to suffer a head on social collision.

 

Advice for Single Parents That Sucks

Why in the world do folks think it is nice to give unwanted advice to single parents about how to “fix” their kids and parent better? Yet, it is very rare to hear any advice being dispensed to divorced parents, married parents etc. Just because a person is single does not mean they need parenting advice. And, based on the fact that many of their adult children are not living healthy lives, it would be appreciated if those who wish to advise would write their thoughts down in a blog post instead of trying to “help” single parents.

No matter what society says I choose respect over compliance, helpfulness over obedience, cooperation over force and love over anger. I also choose learning over test taking. I know it seems weird to raise a kid that is learned, helpful, cooperative and respectful, but it is just better than an obedient, compliant, test taker who is forced by anger. The peaceful way just seems to work a whole lot better. If you know a better way, write a blog, I’ll read it. If you’ve got free parenting advice to talk about, have a seminar and sell tickets, I’ll watch the video. If you want to change the way someone in your life parents to match your own style, maybe you’re out of line, or maybe your approach is all wrong.

If We Decide to Homeschool, How Will The Children Get Socialized?

If they don’t go to school, how do you expect them to get socialized? Has been the question of many interested. It is a great question. The answer to this question is as individualized to the person as each snowflake that falls from the sky. How to socialize, have friends and live a normal life without the assistance, shelter and forced organization of young mates, also known as “classmates”. Rather than a formula for socializing, it might be better if I just share a few of our stories and how we’ve arrived here in a troll and fairy garden.

Pictured above is a little art project my homeschool daughter did with a friend, they took the initiative. In fact, she keeps bringing friends over to work in the garden, sometimes they accidentally plant where I’ve already seeded. I try to keep her up to date on what is planted and where. They really don’t need permission to play in the dirt garden at all. This is however not the first act of socializing, yet it is so much fun to find these little surprises. I don’t know if other parents allow their children the freedom to garden and make mistakes at home, but it is something I encourage. If they break a plant, I will chuckle and smile, it happens. They always run straight to me and tell me they broke something. It is not a problem, in fact I thank them for being so brave and honest and make sure they aren’t upset, hopefully. The freedom to pursue fun, play in the dirt and be a kid is rewarding. The freedom to break my stuff by accident is probably nice also. It rarely ever happens.

When it comes to socializing and interacting, I have two basic rules: 1. Respect People 2. Respect Property. Sounds simple, yet some parents teach a very opposite way. Some children are taught a less peaceful way of communicating. We try to keep a high standard of civility and respect in our dealings with others.

Respect given to children is respect earned. Don’t violate their space, don’t violate their stuff. Sharing is an option, fairness doesn’t exist in reality, property is exclusive to its rightful owner. Individuals have rights. Children are individuals.

If we talk to our children like they are people, then we can expect their level of respect to grow. Each child has a different amount of willpower and some children are downright basic, others extremely demanding. An entire spectrum of pressures plague the mind of each caring parent. One child may be forceful, another reserved, in the end, the direction of willpower is what makes us socially happy and healthy, thus be a gentle guide, provoke thoughts of how to use will power in a good way, a way that helps others and builds relationships.

An individual who does not realize their own self worth may seek out relationships that play down on their abilities, negate the good spirit and just generally be unhealthy. Without a good example of healthy relationships, how should a young person know what to look for?

The trouble with relationships and adolescence is that the relationships actually begin earlier in childhood. Children are forced to sit next to the schoolyard bully, square dance, share, eat in the cafeteria with the other bag lunch kids, eat all the food on their plate, be quiet in class, be quiet in line, be quiet in the toilet, show and tell, raise your hand to go to get a drink, do not hug anyone, do not touch anyone, put a sticker on the reading chart, remain sitting for hours, not allowed enough play time, forced to play, not trusted, not respected, hit, talked down to, idealizing parents who plan the kids future, control freaks, helicopter parents and the patently nervous who don’t ever want to see their kids on the evening news mug shots. Don’t worry, these things are all so commonly feared and easily remedied.

What if children were free to walk around their own neighborhoods and feel safe?

What if children never had their own property taken?

What if children never had their own time taken?

What if mistakes and failures were for learning from an early age?

What if a parent chooses to rarely intervene and swoop-up a child from every tiny possibility of danger?

Would children be more respectful if they were secure in their property and person?

Would children hit less, if parents hit less?

What is an acceptable amount of hitting on for a person much smaller than you and defenseless?

What if instead of hitting, parents try talking about our genuine feelings with the kids?

What if the impulse to misbehave is redirected in a positive way?

What if the impulse to snap back or spank is redirected in a positive way?

What if we breathe and calm down first?

What if no choices, options or ideas are forced or presented, instead thoughtfulness and problem solving is encouraged?

What if kids had individual rights, and didn’t have to put up with their parents yelling at them, hitting, taking things away?

What if your kids could divorce you, would they?

What if parents realized that we must earn their respect?

I certainly do not believe that any law would fix a broken parent. Broken parents raise broken children who grow up and break in society. People are survivors and they bounce back. But, why should a child grow up under the commands of obedience, submission, corporal punishment, theft of property as punishment, theft of time as punishment, punishment itself.

The world offers a host of consequences. If you can save a doctor bill or a life, then do it. If you can guide these precious children to think about their own choices, think about their own solutions, then they will thrive, they will fly like a butterfly and dance on their roots like a joyful flower. Wait patiently, let them think during conversations. Allow each child to answer for their own self. Be available to them, a safety net of trust, love, guidance and acceptance. Freedom to fail and make mistakes is freedom to fly and succeed.

Parents who follow the non-aggression principal can expect from their children: better social decisions, long lasting friendships, healthy relationships, a variety of social outlets without walls, without age segregation, without fences.

The first time a twenty month toddler escaped running away from me, I just jogged behind her in the dark of a winters evening until we met a new friend on the street. They now have three children who my little runner loves to pieces.

That was the earliest action of social freedom I can remember enjoying and making friends from. Now this young eight year old can not go shopping, for a walk or to a park without seeing her friends, their siblings, parents, dogs, cats, cars etc. People are always saying “Hi Lily”, and I have officially become popularly known as “Lily’s Dad” 🙂

It has always been my nature to observe and give freedom, I love to be surprised by her creativity and I get to be the coolest dad in the neighborhood, not my goal, but I don’t mind, I really don’t know any kids that have as many great friends as this kid. The only time we’ve ever stepped into a school together was to trick-or-treat with her friends, she already knew half the school kids anyways.

Maybe your kid doesn’t want any friends, or only wants a couple close friends, it’s fine, perfectly fine. Just give them the freedom to be who they are and learn from life just like us. Be a resource, help, guide and let the children be free.

Without the government, who would give us our friends? Oh, a friend can not be given, but must be continually earned. Teach respect in a gentle way and see what improves in your children’s socializing, and watch healthy friendships blossom.

 

History, Helping Children Cope With Grief.

Great Grandpa grew up in this old shack, rode horses to the bootlegger and survived a sun beaten childhood on the farm. The swimming pool was a horse trough and the play ground was a tree or a fence post. Tools were toys and sticks were guns. Cowboys and Indians was still “politically correct” for children to play. History holds a high place in dealing with loss. Creating a photo album, planting a garden or visiting an historical place helps make death tangible and the spiritual aspects understandable. To see the life work of our beloved can be of great comfort, or pain. 

When we visited my late wife’s grave, all I wanted to do was lay on the ground and cry my heart out, I didn’t. Lily was thirteen months when her mommy passed, it is a near reality for her, yet she is accustomed to lacking a mommy. She knows a person is missing and whom, but having a mommy is a concept to her. She sees the moms around the neighborhood and I think they are quite special to her. Lily asked if she could visit a neighbor lady when she was five years old, I reluctantly said yes, the lady died a couple weeks later. It was the last time we saw her. We remain close to her surviving husband and family. Do not miss an opportunity to spend time with the ones you love.Touching on the greatest selling allegory “The Pilgrim’s Progress” is a great book to entertain people of all ages. It is also filled with connecting the life and death journey we all walk. Crawling on a tomb that is like a jungle gym and chasing pigeons around famous graves gives a new meaning to what death is. Death is History. Some are glorified in death, and some leave a darker mark on history. Kids can handle that, it’s an obvious reality in life.
Charles Wesley stroked these keys exclusively, as his own organ outlives his physical body. We were happy to play the same instrument he so loved. His songs are a tremendous volume of books. His music crosses all social and spiritual restrictions, we find comfort and inspiration in this legacy.

Dealing with grief doesn’t have to be an entirely sad thing, it can be filled with fun, joy and learning as well.

The Possibility of Love

The possibility of love is the most sensational experience, aside from love itself. Those who share more loving kindness have joy flowing in from every direction.

The most unlovely thing is made exceedingly beautiful when the heart is inhabited by the One Who Loves. As if, would God fall into the dirt and suffer as the “one man”, for all mankind? Can a bridge between ultimate loss and ultimate reward exist? Can the Earth be opened and swallow up people? Is there not a cause for love? The possibility of love is the most sensational experience, aside from love itself. If love didn’t have a sweet savor, what kind of Christ would be the Savior?

Be loving and kind in all that you do.

Up Your Productivity, Up Your Attitude.

Up your productivity, up your attitude. The attitude of the Father is passed on to the other family members and then shared, carried out the front door, into the world for all to see. It is not a woman’s job to fix his attitude.

If you see a child or teen with a bad attitude, show them some kindness, consider taking the initiative to meet their parents. One act of kindness from a friend could change their future.

Times can stress a good man, lack of activity and mundane jobs can cause him great heaps of frustration. Having a productive hobby is a great way to have a better attitude and encourages family interest.

Who would you rather spend an afternoon with, Raymond or Mr. Roger? Maybe fathers are guilty of slipping into the Raymond Attitude sometimes, instead of the Mr. Rogers Productivity.

Dad’s don’t have to be handy, they just have to be available and willing to learn with family and friends.

One of my most productive hobbies has been going to our favorite park and just spending the day, countless times, sometimes two days in a row. How is it productive? There is a creek flowing with cold mountain runoff where we soak and tube ride. Then, we lay out in the sun, eat good food, play sports, hike, bike, talk with friends, make new friends. Soaking up the rays & ions along with fresh air is like an instant attitude boost. Sometimes reading, cooking, gardening, fishing, travel. The situation of money is never an issue, most of the best things in life cost only the sacrifice of time.

The troubles of life will never go away, tend as much as you may, before you faint, go out and play.

The reverse road to reading, and how it fits.

Kids forget they are reading when the pictures are amazing, the text is interesting, challenges are presented, concepts are discussed, and when the text contains things that they want. Imagine learning as if it were an endless treasure chest of information and it is yours for the taking, give the key to that treasure chest to your children and enjoy watching them dig into life by learning. Always jump up at the opportunity to help them. Capture every opportunity.

Three years ago I picked up The Spalding Method The Writing Road to Reading. It is a K-12 guide for grammar and it was published way before I was born. Many baby boomers learned on this method and don’t even know it. Spell check is going to be disabled on my daughters computer and replaced with real live books called Dictionary and Encyclopedia and more reference. Reference is the absolute most important part of my library. The best reference for inspiration has been large beautiful picture books picked up on sale and at thrift stores.

What is “Reverse Reading” you ask? I’ll explain.

The first book introduced was the bible and that would be the authorized KJV. It is “Old English” and very poetic. It happens to be the Young Veterinarians (8yo) favorite read and her fastest read. It’s amazing, she can do all of that difficult reading with ease. If you don’t want your kids reading the bible pick up a copy of The Pilgrim’s Progress, or some C.S. Lewis, Tolkien, Shakespeare, they will be attentive to the poetry as it is read to them and that book may just become a treasure they must obtain themselves. Furthermore the texts contain wonderful examples of discretion, relationships, love, journeys etc.

The photo above is just a few books we are enjoying at this time, there are other piles and shelves of books around the house we are also reading. It is a free kind of activity and with a functioning television these books might gather more dust. We have a tv and it plays these round shiny things called DVD’s, we also have an Xbox that behaves similarly. The computer however is such a great tool for reading and learning. Other electronics are of little use and gather appropriate amounts of dust. It is simple to use my fancy iClean method to take care of that.

Eighteenth-Twentieth Century books have something extra that kids may fall in love with at a very early age. Be bold and introduce new concepts to your children in a very old fashioned way.

Why Some Fail to Understand Ron Paul.

To understand the whole is picture of a particular subject is a rare gift. The type of people who typically see the whole picture remain very quiet a good portion of their lives. When they speak, they speak with passion, dignity, justice and most of all, they speak with feeling. The feeling they speak with is unsurpassed, Ron Paul is one of these people.

Ron Paul got tired before he got into politics. He got into politics because he was tired of the government involvement in medicine. He worked for a small wage in a charity hospital, was a flight surgeon and delivered thousands of babies. He is also famed as a champion of the Constitution. In order to understand Ron Paul, it might be helpful to look at him in a more whole perspective.

Imagine a small percentage of the population is very driven to learn, has an intuitive nature and feels outwardly the pains of others on a personal level. This quiet group of people are spread out and rarely find one another. Their nature is to have a small group of friends and to place family first. They can be activists, because of their intense connection to the needs of other people. Some historical people have been great in the ways of peace, future vision and humanitarian needs. Many of them were despised the day the began to write, speak or become active. They are not great organizers and feel no success of their own, but just want to be an equal part of the solution.

Politics in the US are stupid, and the campaign money could feed every hungry dying soul on earth. Yet, bombs continue to rain and kings continue to reign. Charity continues to pour out of the hearts, hands and bank accounts of the people of the world, volunteers give  blood and humanity paces onward like a horse winning a race. Only a small ripple in this earth is needed to cause great catastrophe. Some hearts shake in grief every time a worry crosses their mind, some with just a memory or a loud sound. The reason the politics are in such shambles is because voters take a single agenda and select a candidate that resembles what they are supposed to believe. The Constitution has no place in the voting booth of many who trust Diebold Voting Machines with their future.

The voters who base their choice on a few issues that directly appear helpful, they are selling their vote to a system. Voters and non-voters who look at the government in a whole way, with a whole understanding or a broad knowledge and some study, will find issues with political pandering and grow tired. Growing tired is actually healthy, not voting saves gas and time. Time is valuable, gas it too.. touché.

Ron Paul looks at the government with a whole understanding of the Constitution. It’s unthinkable to listen to Ron Paul on one issue for five minutes, if you did, you’d figure he wants to make the country go broke.

My advice, read the US Constitution and study less known authors of this country, less known statesmen, read the Ron Paul archives  http://www.lewrockwell.com/paul/

Follow: Ted Cruz, Justin Amash, Rand Paul

Look for the good points of every elected official, draw on the strengths of their platforms if they are in office, consider calling Senators and Congressmen, writing letters to Sheriff’s, Governors, Mayors.

Ron Paul views the government as excessively bloated while others would say it is completely broken. Maybe Communist Russia would have produced better cars with less steel. Maybe the Constitutional Republic of the United States of America would be served with a shorter reaching Uncle Sam and belief in individual liberties, property rights.

 

Every time I drop dead it’s gorgeous.

Yes indeed, I am a sucker for beauty. I have the keenest eye for beauty and it makes me look absolutely stupid. I clam up at the sight of a woman who has certain personality traits that mirror my own to a degree. It is not a physical thing, it is an intuitive reaction to a personality trait.

When I am relaxed and in my comfort zone in life, I can easily discern things about people just by a photo or seeing a person. For some reason I have a great fear of talking to someone as beautiful as Evangeline Lilly. If I ever saw her, she would think I was a baffling idiot. There is a certain trait about her that is terrifying to me, introverted intuition.

The idea of personality traits and their study is somewhat new to me in textbook fashion, but nothing I’m unaware of deeply.

In my early 20’s, I spent a short time in the wandering land of life exploring my extroverted side. I could read people, but I still was not smart enough to always trust  my gut instinct. This lack of wisdom afforded me some difficulties in life.

The trouble with Evangeline Lilly, Nicole Kidman and Liv Tyler is, I feel that their personality type knows too much to even look at me without revealing my soul, but deep down inside, I would love to feel relaxed enough to engage with a person of this personality type. Their eyes are like eagles.

I absolutely enjoy calmness, parties, time alone, time socializing, travel, family, cooking and a great deal of hobbies. I am somewhat of an idealist, perfectionist and hold myself to some pretty unreasonable high standards. Yet, towards others, I can experience empathy on a level unsurpassed. Watching a movie is a sure recipe for me to cry. I can’t think of a song that doesn’t bring tears to my eyes. And, I’m a very happy person. Tears do not bother me, for a time mine went dry with overwhelming grief.

Back to the story, why does Evangeline Lilly drive me to stupidity? Because, I see something in every person and in the most rare people, I see myself, and I hate looking in the mirror. As a slight perfectionist, the future is of the utmost importance in my mind. So much, that living in the present was a deep challenge and struggle of my childhood. I would have married at the earliest age possible and began a family if I’d met a like minded person.

Sometimes people are like chameleons and intuition is all I have to make sound decisions with. But, as in my 20’s, I developed an extroverted part of my personality that was new and different. My friends were in college, active in church groups, genuine people. I was out of balance in life. The extroverted side of my personality became dominant and my intuition was forced into submission. I met a girl, she was an extrovert, we got married, her illness was terminal and the rest is history. There was my intuition, beforehand, thoughts begging me and warnings with every beat of my heart for 10 hours as we drove to elope, I was a romantic eloping in the sunset. Most of our time was dedicated to long hospital visits, sometimes two or three times a day, sometimes for weeks or months at a time. I worked 60-80 hours a week, slept for moments in my car, chairs, desks, floors, the grass and locked myself in a quiet bedroom for a couple of hours each night if we were not at a hospital. It was really hard to see someone go through such pain, scar tissue making IV’s impossible and bloody emergency room visits. I cried for her.

I didn’t know a thing about hereditary or long term illness and things were minimized before we married. As a very open minded person forgiveness is one of my greatest qualities towards others. I am very critical of myself though. I married a person who had motives I was not fully aware of. My gut told me it was a mistake and I found out the sweet princess I married had some mental health issues in addition to a difficult hereditary disease. My strong tendency towards humanity and harmony in relationships developed very deeply during this time. With her passing, we also had a child together. Lily, the daughter of a King…. and the girl that makes life as fun as the bubbles in soda water, pop rocks and the energy drink that puts red bull to shame. We live in harmony, she says I’m the best dad in the whole world. It makes me cry. Nothing much in life fails to touch my heart. The feelings I have about the future and the way I feel about other people are deeply connected.

If I were ever so brave as to talk to Evangeline Lilly, I would probably say something stupid.

Because of my desire to have a positive impact on the world around me, I can imagine living to some ridiculous old age like 115 and be the last one in my family to pass. I actually think this is quite funny and I’d be just fine living such a long life. The thing that scares me about heaven is I don’t know if I’ll have a garage, projects, a man cave etc. What will conversations be like in heaven? Will there be any problems to solve, tasks to complete? I need those things in order to have a sense of purpose.

At least on the Earth, I know I’ll be busy. Heaven is somewhat ambiguous other than pearl gates, gold streets and singing. Angels are hardly a picture of the unknown, just a small glimpse.

I become an idiot and say something stupid, or completely withdraw whenever I see an attractive woman who has my personality traits, if she looks at me, I just scramble for thoughts and turn into a clam. I must turn pale white, it’s the eyes.

In school, a classmate must have fit into the same personality type as me, and it feels like we just stared back and forth all the time. It was the most awkward class in the world, sex education. I probably made jokes in class and she probably thought I was an idiot. When I’m nervous or bored, I start making jokes after I get over being a pretty introverted kinda guy. I was never nervous to see her, it seemed that she was looking right at me all the time, and I at her. Maybe she was just daydreaming. Maybe it was something else.

I tried to call that classmate a year or so later, and completely fumbled over my words and told her she had gorgeous eyes and was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen and that I just stared at her in amazement. I invited her out, she was busy, I never talked to her again. I revealed too much, it was the first time we ever spoke after I dreamed about her eyes for a year. Given the opportunity, I would be glad to say something stupid to her and fumble again, in fact, I would love the opportunity. Every time I drop dead, it’s gorgeous.